Because she's stupid I cheated on boyfriend but i
didn't go all the way with this other guy. What made me do it was that
me and my then ex-boyfriend split up and i was heartbroken. Then i met
this other guy once, but although we kept texting each other, we never
met up. After a year, me and ex-boyfriend got back together and although
at first it was good again, i felt like something was missing and there
was no passion or romance in our relationship.
Also i kept getting
upset with him if he didn't come to see me so on of those occasions we
had a fight and this other guy texted me that he wanted to see me. I was
angry and felt like i deserved some TLC an someone who gave their
attention fully to me, so i went to meet this other guy and although i
felt bad about it afterward, i didn't feel that guilty. i just thought
"serves him right for not wanting to come and see me" and so i met up
with him about 3 times and each time it was when i was mad at my
boyfriend. But now i have realized that what i did was wrong. you cant
have both. i thought "its no harm and what he doesn't know wont hurt
him" but now i feel angry at myself for letting another guy get close to
me when its my boyfriend i love. This other guy keeps texting me now to
meet up again but am saying no. what if, i ever got caught? my whole
life would be ruined and am telling you all out there, thats its
tempting, but you'll regret it in the end. stick to the ones who really
you for you, and not just for a good time.
Learn to selfish One thing I never seen on any
website I went to is "will it work out" not that this has anything to do
with the question but if you're here, chances are you're in a position
asking the question.
For me and my wife yes, it did work out. She fooled around on me and
I'm still pissed about it 2 months later but it has opened up a few
honesty channels for us. you as a person need to figure out how to make
*you* happy. I had for a decade revolved my happiness around her. Now
I'm a selfish bastard and I work to make myself happy and not much more.
For us this was a huge eye opener. She realized she couldn't be without
me, I realized I could be without her. Cheating isn't right and its
never a good idea but you can recover. If you've been cheated on learn
to be selfish.
Dad.
Stream of consciousness Well, I cheated on my 5
year boyfriend we met in college and fell in love. I never dated nor
went out with any one before I met him, was always shy with guys!! I had
a great time but things changed after we finished college. He went to
live with his parents said he wanted to save some money before he could
find a job. We just spoke on phone for an year and every thing was going
well. Then I decided to apply to a grad school close to his place and
was really excited to see him after an year. When I saw him I was really
disappointed because he put on lot of pounds. He was slightly
overweight before too, but now he was huge. I really loved him, and it
didn't matter to me because it was him I fell in love with. But very
soon I started realizing that he was a very irresponsible and lazy
person, after college he was jobless for an year, living with his
parents, just sitting in the house, and chilling and eating because of
which he gained so much weight. I told him to find some kind of job need
not be a great one. Just to make some money to pay for his gas and
stuff, but he never really tried and he started borrowing money from me.
I mean, no big deal. I guess we had that understanding, but my own
financial situation wasn't that great. He didn't want to ask his parents
since he was shy because he was already 27 years old. He was still
entirely dependent on them, even to pay his phone bills. Then the
problems started. I felt very insecure. I started feeling if I marry him
I will have to be the one supporting the family. I wanted someone I
could look up to, not an irresponsible person. He always took me for
granted. He felt like he had me wrapped up and that I could never leave
him no matter what happens. Every now and then I told him I didn't wish
to continue anymore, but he would cry and get emotional.Then i would
feel bad and go back again. I kept going back and forth all the time. I
told him to lose weight, but he did nothing about it. When I got really
mad and told him seriously he would cry, saying it's difficult and I
felt sorry.............This happened for an year, and another thing I
want to tell, though its personal, is about my sexual life. We had sex
like 7 or 8 times. Initially I wanted to be a virgin till I got married
but I let him. The sex was horrible. It was painful for couple of times
and later it wasn't. But I never really had any fun since he was really
huge and I weigh like 105 pounds. Then I met this guy who was taking a
class with me, and we started hanging out. He was very hardworking,
systematic, religious, and smart. He didn't look that great, but was
health conscious worked out every day and was really strong and
confident. I really liked him. I was seeing my boyfriend too, and we had
a fight as usual. After he left, I called up this guy, and we started
kissing did everything. We didn't really have sex, but he really turned
me on. I liked the way he kissed me and everything. After like 3 weeks I
had sex with him, but I felt really guilty because I never told this
guy I had a boyfriend. My boyfriend thought it was my usual back and
forth and he could convince me. He didn't know about all this. Though
this other guy was great, and I really liked him and enjoyed the sex. I
felt guilty and being with him felt so wrong, so I told him I didn't
want to see him anymore. He was disappointed but never called me back.
When my boyfriend came to see me next I told him about it. I told him I
didn't want to be with him. He started crying, and we went through this
whole phase of I hate you, I love you, I don't care. I was really
unhappy to see him cry, and I felt like I was an evil person to put him
through this. Especially when he said he knew he was irresponsible and
took me for granted, but his love for me never changed. He always
treated me like a princess, and he said he knew I was better person than
that. He wants me back, and he is ready to forgive me. I resisted, but I
don't know what to do....PLEASE HELP ME.......AND I CONSTANTLY THINK
ABOUT THIS GUY AND HOW GOOD THE SEX WAS WITH HIM. I FEEL GUILTY, I AM
CONFUSED ....... Well you really should not be to worried about the sex
at this time!!! unless you belive that you have a chance for a good
relationship with him and you want to loose the one that loves you
most....If it is only about the sex you are looking for a long road of
disater, and who wants to be called a slut cause thats all your ex is
going to think of you, but its your choice.
No excuse for cheating No excuse can be made for
cheating. Its NOT beyond anyones control. Its NOT a mistake. It IS a
choice. Saying it happened because something was missing, unfulfilling
or ANYTHING else is an a cop out. PERIOD.
For any relationship to be healthy we have to be healthy coming into
it. Cheating is a sign you're not, and thinking that you can cheat and
"move on" like it never happened is simply foolish. You have decided to
damage your relationship and those who love you. You chose to hurt them.
That is NOT love. Once you have cheated the relationship is never the
same again. The dynamic of the relationship has changed. You have
invited another person into the realm of intimacy you were asking to
share exclusively with your significant other. You have made your lover a
sexual competitor! When you cheated you made a choice, a selfish one
that placed your significant other last in line of your priorities.
So many spout "Forgive and forget"! People forgive, but they do not
forget being hurt. It�s our nature to remember to protect our
sensitivity. Anyone who can forget it like nothing ever happened is the
owner of a very hardened heart. A hardened heart limits our ability to
love openly and that should never be an attractive trait! Why, why ask
your lover to harden his heart? Once hurt a person becomes guarded with
you, opening up and talking to you leaves them only more vulnerable to
injury. Trust and respect are earned and once you have cheated you have
lost those. You have abused of them. Cheating is abuse and you will have
to earn their trust and respect again before anyone will make
themselves vulnerable again to you, anyone that is that really cares for
you.
Healthy people in healthy relationships: Trust and are trustworthy,
Respect and are respectful, give and receive love without condition or
manipulation, are honest, open and vulnerable. Real love, real intimacy
encourages it, fosters it.
If you marry and haven�t addressed your personal issues before hand
you will struggle uphill daily and infidelity will terrorize your
relationship throughout its life. Once children are involved it only
becomes more heartbreaking and more painful.
The true tragedy of cheating is when you play everyone who loves you
pays long afterward and it never had to happen in the first place.
Cheating is always, always a choice that you made.
Take a break from each other Why risk cheating
on someone you love, if you really love them? I Did that make sense?
Nope! So, if someone loves you they shouldn't cheat. We all flirt a
little (don't touch and go home with the person you came with) because
it's human nature to feel good about yourself, but cheating is
unacceptable. I don't feel this person is ready to settle down and there
is nothing wrong with this. If in your late teens into your 20's it's
best to do things you want to do now (travel, date more, college, etc.)
because it will be much harder to attain when the person is 30+.
No one should ever put themselves second in a relationship. You each should be important in each other's lives.
This person who can't help cheating on their boyfriend, but feels she
loves him ... it's time to take a hiatus (rest) and stay away from each
other for a few months until this person can decide what they want in
their lives. No one should ever be hurt by their mate cheating. You
can't have it all.
Good luck Marcy
Not really love, then
IF she loved him with all of her heart then she would not cheat!
Intoxicated Maybe she was drunk.
She slipped up
I belive that if you love someone you should not be even thinking of
cheating on them so why take a break when you love them. This is just a
selfish way of dealing with things I am sorry I could never take a break
from the one i love and I would never think of cheating on them if I
loved them. NC
Even if you love someone with all your heart you can still make
mistakes. Maybe there was something missing in her life, maybe she was
trying to find herself, maybe she had to be sure she loved him.
She was getting even Maybe she was trying to get
back at him for some emptiness in her life. Unfortunately, even the
perfect guys don't complete you completely. Maybe she was doing it in
self defense. If a person suspects of cheating, a lot of times the
person may want to cheat also to avoid getting hurt in the future. In a
way saying, "Well, he cheated on me but who cares? I cheated on him
already!" Maybe she just wanted to feel good about herself????
It's a downward spiral Hmmm well as a person who
is currently cheating on a partner of 2years, I think it is possible to
love your partner and cheat, BUT you definitely lose something. Whether
you like it or not, the relationship won't be as good afterward. For
example, if you are feeling guilty, then they notice something is wrong.
You have to lie, which makes you feel even more guilty, or you have to
pretend you are happy, which makes it torture for you, because you know
they think things are going great for you. Then if you mix these two
options together, as in one day you feel down and are a bitch to him,
and the next day you are nice as can be, then he will become VERY
confused. It isn't at all fair on him. You also lose some respect for
yourself, and even if you end the cheating you still have it on your
mind for a long time.
She doesn't know herself I think these answers
prove true, as I have cheated and cannot figure out why I would do this.
I think, that it has something to do with the fact that I do not know
myself. I am one year away from 30, and I have not traveled anywhere, am
faced with possible marriage and also the fact that I started out
dating at a late age. (21) I have had a total of 2 long term
relationships, including the one that I am in. I have cheated on my
partner with the same person in another province twice. I now realize
that the person I was with is nowhere NEAR the great person my partner
is, yet I agree with the person who posted the comment saying that I
cheated due to the fact that something is missing from my relationship. I
need to find out about myself and do the things I would like to do
before I even attempt to settle down. The sex was the best I have ever
had with this person, but something was missing from that summer fling. I
realize that the person I was with was not a real friend. He used me,
and I know this. He lied to me about a lot of things. There is no
respect there. I feel guilty and now I must face the facts about the
relationship I am in. I do love my partner with all of my heart, but I
wonder if I really do. I wish, I could combine the two men together,
then I would have the perfect man. That sounds crazy. So, I am thinking
that maybe it is my sex life that is to blame. I have tried to show my
boyfriend what to do to me, but I am less than satisfied with my
boyfriends attempts to please me. (3 years of getting nowhere.) I think
maybe sex therapy (counseling) might help us, and I am more than willing
to look more into it for my boyfriends sake, because the person I was
with will never make me happy as a friend or a person in general. I have
learned something from this, but I will never be the same again. I do
believe things happen for a reason,good and bad, so I hope I can figure
out what it is that I need to do. Any comments?
My story: I won't do it again I am a woman who
has cheated on her boyfriend. I do love him with all my heart.
Unfortunately it took the affair for me to realize it. And by the time I
realized it, it was too late. If I could go back in time I would've
never done it. I don't have a reason or an excuse for why I did what I
did. I thought that I had feelings for my other partner. But after the
men found out I only felt bad for lying to one person, my boyfriend. The
other man was an ex-bf of mine. Oddly, I hated him for allowing me to
get with him. I love my boyfriend (well now my ex) with all my heart and
knowing how much pain I've caused him absolutely tears my heart apart. I
haven't found anything yet that I can do for him to trust me again, and
honestly I don't blame him. What I did was vindictive, low, hurtful,
and just completely uncalled for. There really was no reason. I can
guarantee one thing, I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER cheat again. It
was the biggest mistake that I've ever made, and now I'll have to live
with it for everyday of the rest of my life. I will never forget the
look on his face when he found out. It haunts me. Like I said the worst
thing is that there is nothing that I can do to restore his trust in me.
I honestly can't blame him at all. I know that he deserves better than
me , but I still can't let go of him. My advice to other women: If you
are ever tempted to have an affair, please think twice about it will
REALLY do. Ask yourself if it is really worth it? You'll probably
eventually see, it's not worth it at all.
No acceptable answer I don't think there is an
acceptable answer to this question. She willingly cheated, nobody forced
her at gunpoint, she knows its wrong!!! But she did it, he did it!!!!
I believe that the answer can be that she has no respect for herself or others feelings.
If you take marriage these days (For better or for worse), there is
no more worse because we get married knowing very well that if it does
not work we'll just get divorced. I believe that this is the main factor
contributing to cheating by Women.
We as society have lost our sense of commitment. A promise is not a promise anymore. Sad but true.
Think about it!!!!
Alcohol Alcohol plays a big factor in cheating. I
know this, cause I am very guilty of it. It has happened more than
once. I do love my boyfriend, just that drink after another. not to
mention acting like a complete idiot! well, this past weekend is it for
me. I'm changing this behavior A.S.A.P. I feel awful along with a
hangover from hell! So just don't drink if you can't handle it! OK peace
out! and roll tide!
This is true I have cheated on my boyfiend while under the influence
of alcohol, but the worst part is when I get really drunk guys take
advantage of me and I consider it cheating because I am allowing this to
happen by continuing to drink with guys that I know like me and have
absoulutly no boundries at all yet they are still my fiends....its does
not make sense and my boyfriend does his best to only allow me to drink
when i am around him for my own saftey.
Why do I do it?
I have been in a relationship for 5 years and I'm almost 23 years
old. I have never loved anyone else as much as I love my boyfriend.
Things are not perfect between us, and when I go out and party I find
that I enjoy being with other people. Although I'm not sleeping around,
I'm doing enough to make myself feel like a horrible person. Its not
fair to my boyfriend that I do this to him, but I just don't stop. It's
too hard to break up with someone after so long especially when you
still love and are attracted to them. Does this make a horrible person?
Probably, but I'll have to accept the consequences if the word got out.
I'm hurting myself just as much as I'm hurting him. So why wouldn't I
stop?
Me, too
Well I agree with the last addition. I feel that way! but should I???
I mean I love my boyfriend, but I want to sleep with this guy I know
and I've felt like this for months!!!!
If someone could give me some advice that would be great, but I think
I miss the excitement of being single. But I know that cheating is
wrong, so why do I want to do it so much???? I can't even think about my
boyfriend without comparing him with the guy I want to cheat with. I
think I'm a bit emotionally involved with this guy, and I've known him
for 10 years!! Unlike lots of women, I've never cheated on any of my
boyfriends!!!! I mean should I sleep with the guy and see what happens??
But who knows why women and men really do these things? We can't be
that happy if we want to cheat on our boyfriends/husbands etc... or
maybe there is something missing like excitement of doing these
'naughty' things, that we desire so!!!! Good luck to everyone.
advice would be greatly appreciated xxx
No specific answer There is no specific answer
to this question. There could be the fact that something is missing and
you don't realize it until the opportunity to do something sexual with
someone else occurs. It could be a lack of control when it comes to
temptation. This comes from a person who loves their boyfriend more than
life itself. Yet have I cheated once? Yes. Is there any real excuse?
No. The best answer I can give to anyone is that people make mistakes.
It is human nature to be fallible. Some would argue that if it were true
love, there would be no room for those type of mistakes. But what you
have to realize is that some people are more naturally prone than others
to have self control. Self control is a characteristic gained from
YEARS of working at it. Falling in love with someone is not always going
to rid you of that fault if an opportunity to cheat presents itself. I
am not trying to justify cheating. There is no justification for it. It
is wrong. It is deceitful. This is also comes from a person who is not
honest enough to tell the person she loves that she was unfaithful. Why?
Because of another natural human fault, selfishness. I need him and I
love him, and if I lost him I would not be able to go on. I am almost
positive he would leave me if he knew. I have lied time and time again. I
have become deceitful and blindly transformed myself into something I
have always hated- all because of one drunken night. Cheating is
something that will never leave a person's mind. It will stay with me
forever. I will torture myself over it forever, or until I sacrifice
myself for this one that I love and come clean. The most horrid thing
about the situation is that although its severity and awful effect, it
is one of the most common mistakes in the world today. The truth is
this: the love portrayed in movies is not life. Cheating does happen.
Love is not perfect, and it is not always blissful. Love IS the
imperfections. Now, can you have true love but yet still cheat on
someone? Yes, I believe so. Is it awful and one of the most regretted
things anyone will ever do? Yes. Anyone who has made this great mistake
by cheating on someone they adore with their whole heart knows that it
is a mistake that will probably never happen again.
The main focus of this is that, love is not perfect and neither are
people. Love is subject to error, just as people are. It is possible to
love someone and make a mistake.
Just for anyone reading, cheating is never worth it. It is those who
give into temptation against those they love that will suffer the most.
Feel free to comment or add on.
I did it, too, and I regret it terriblyI cheated
on my boyfriend of almost 3 years this summer. I had no guilt at first
which really surprised me. I thought I would actually be able to keep
the thing going without him knowing. Well, he found out. The past few
months have been total hell. We have gone through the break up phase,
the back together phase, the I hate you, the I love you and want to work
this out, the I don't know what I want phase (where we are now). He
cheated on me to get revenge. And then a few days ago out of nowhere the
impact of what I did finally hit me. I don't know what it was but I was
sitting there and all of the sudden I just started crying and couldn't
stop. How could I have done this to the man I want to spend my life
with? I don't know. I am looking around on the Internet for some
insight. I know that eventually he will realize that he deserves and can
do better and I will really be paying for what I have done. All of my
dreams for us are shattered. Even if we do work it out it will never be
the same. It really hurts. My advice to anyone considering cheating is
don't do it. Even the best sex of your life isn't worth hurting your
best friend or yourself for that matter.
The guy doesn't give you what you need OK women cheat because the guy is lacking in something! Its usually one of two things emotional or physical. Point blank period.
If you're the type of guy who tells your girl you want to spend time
with her but somehow your playstation tournaments cut into that time-
You're being cheated on!
If you're girl tells you that you guys don't spend quality time together- You're being cheated on!
If you're rude or unappreciative of the nice little things she does for you- You're being cheated on!
If she's just not interested in having sex with you period- She's cheating!
I just like sex with other guys and the attention I
have been with my man for six years and we are doing long distance.
There is no one else that can even compare to him and when I am with
him, there is no other, but when I am out I like the attention and I end
up hooking up with them and even sleeping with a few of them. I love my
boyfriend sooooo much, and I want to marry him, but I can't stop. I go
through good and bad periods. He is really the sweetest and most
romantic guy that has helped me through everything, and the sex is
great. Is there something wrong with me? Do I need the attention that
bad? How come other women can get through this? My friend told me today
that he doesn't know how I live with myself and I don't either. Please I
need some advice. Should I leave him, so that he can have another woman
that doesn't do this to him, because I do not think that it is fair.
Last night I went out and hooked up with this guy and today my boyfriend
called me to let me know how much he loved me and how he was telling
some other woman how much he loved me to the point she believed that
there was a decent man out there. PLEASE HELP!!!
It's hard to break up This is a tough one.
There's no excuse for cheating although, as I've cheated on my boyfriend
before, god knows I've created many in my head. What it comes down to
is that something was missing in my life, and I immediately took it out
on our relationship. I was emotionally unfulfilled, and he wasn't
necessarily the cause. We've been together for 7 years (off and on), and
it was rough knowing that if we'd break up, I'd lose a best friend and
confidante as well as a boyfriend. As much as i hate to admit it, I'm
more emotionally dependent than I thought I was. Let's face it, it's
hard after such a long relationship to just let go. All my friends think
I made a huge mistake by cheating on him with my ex awhile ago (who's a
jerk by the way), and I don't know why I did it. Maybe it's b/c I had
no closure when he broke it off with me about a year and a half ago or
because I wanted to see how far it would go, but those are such lame
excuses. I could have controlled it if I really wanted to, but what was
holding me back?? I guess I just needed more time to figure out what I
really wanted....this has been my only long term relationship and I'm
only 23. Maybe the answer to why women would cheat on boyfriends they
love varies with each woman. Some are probably not ready for a serious
relationship while others are simply unfulfilled with their lives or
crave more from their boyfriends. Either way, it doesn't make it right
and the guilt is awful and not worth it. You're not only hurting the
person you're with but yourself as well...trust me, you won't look at
yourself in the mirror the same way again...like you're outta control
and losing a grip on your life.
It's normal for humans to cheat Well I can
easily sum cheating up in one word. Normal. I spent a great deal of my
time researching this topic of cheating to figure out me and my wife of
10 years cheated on each other. We both have different answers. My wife
was a virgin as I was when we met in high school. We were each others'
only sexual partner until I got caught up in a bad situation where I
pulled the trigger and cheated. I didn't even think the girl was
attractive, and I would go back if I could and take it all back just for
that fact alone. Well I realized my weakness for sex was two fold... I
naturally needed it and I would take a step down form my beautiful to
get it if she want around. I see now it wasn't worth it and sex is
highly over rated and plus I could never find the satisfaction through
sex that I get from my wife.
My wife ultimately cracked and cheated as well and went a bit crazy
while I was gone on a deployment...typical military marriage. She feels
horrible. She let me know she was curious, I felt her pain on that.
"Been there done that" I said to myself. Well after suffering the
lowered self-esteem my wife firmly let me know though physically
attracted by some degree to other males she could never get the feeling
she has with me. See our problems were not what the other person was
missing it was what we ourselves were missing. I hate seeing humans
blame other humans for why they screw things up. As much as my pride
wanted to leave her my love her said "this is why I am here" meaning
that love is not only about happiness it is about sacrifice and pain.
Love hurts, and it is as normal as breathing air. If you want to
conquer your fear of love learn what it really is. I here everyone talk
about love but, I rarely see anyone practice it. It is OK for your
spouse to cheat, hell if your relationship is solid enough I would
recommend a little play for each side. Jealousy is a natural feeling,
and it can be desensitized through applying the right techniques. I am
glad my wife cheated on me. It set me free of the fear of being cheated
on. You will be amazed how marriage or commitment can scare spouses or
lovers into affairs or one night stands. The root cause of cheating is
usually natural attraction. These feelings need to be exposed and
exercised. I never understood why people have this expectation of a
perfect spouse or partner. Ask yourself this question first without BS.
Are you perfect?? the answer is "no" and if you say yes can you prove
it?? That answer is "no" as well.
If your partner cheats be open minded. Let them know through
emotional communication, crying, sobbing, yelling. I recommend if you
feel physical violence do as I do, remove yourself form the situation
and remember that the horrible situation that caused the blow up is over
and decide if you want to resume the loving relationship. Sometimes
people can not see through the smoke that is created by the fire of the
infidelity. But remember humans it is an illusion. I guarantee your
cheating partner loves you a great deal. They may hide behind a veil of
insecurity, but it is your lover's job to find it and bring it out and
let it know you can live happy after every bad encounter. And to the
people who use the word torture while staying in a highly committed but
troubled relationship. it is not torture when one chooses to stay. It
may hurt but that is love not torture. It is not the end of the world
either way, if the husband or wife cheats it i nothing but pain. Just
stick to the message you and your lover created the day you fell in
love. In the end you will be OK. I personal challenge any and all humans
inflicted with this mental disease created by cheating to work and work
hard. You will be amazed by the rewards you can weep.
Goals should be the focus of a relationship. Set priorities and help
each other through the rough times. This is your best friend god damn
it, before they failed I bet you would have died for them. You were not
taken advantage of. The person at fault was some how coerced into the
situation, the job now is to coerce them to carry on with normal life.
Commitment has nothing to do with who you are or what you do, what
matters is if you stay committed and are there at the end. It is a goal
not an obligation. Just because you have one life to live doesn't mean
you have to bail out when things get bad. In the end as long as you
arrive at the predetermined goal you have succeeded. Perfection is
non-sense. Stop judging one another or trying to figure out how to leave
or feel better. It will happen in time naturally if you stay the
course. Hope this rant helps someone like it helped me. I was cheated on
um-teeth times and if it happened again I wouldn't even give a rats ass
unless I lost my wifes love and I would still fight to get it back
still. Good luck to you all. Sorry for the sloppiness of the above
writing.
I was weak and now I am riddled with guilt I
have only been married for a year and a half, but we've been together
for 7 years and lived together for 6 of those 7 years. One night, out
drinking with the girls, I ran into my first love.... nothing happened.
We talked on the phone a couple of times and text messaged each other a
lot. This went on for a month and a half before temptation took over.
After a night, again with the girls, and a lot of drinks, I did it.
Cheated on my husband. I've never cheated on anyone be for in my life. I
was (am) riddled with guilt and have come to realize, I never would
have done such a thing if I was completely satisfied in my marriage. As
great of a man my husband is, we are lacking in communication, passion,
intimacy, and sex. My husband and I are trying to work through it and
take it day-by-day.
He'll find out She was hoping that he won't find out, but 99% of the time he does.
A few thingsA couple of things: 1. You need
chemistry, if you don't have enough of it with the one that you love,
you'll go looking for it. 2. An awakening of the heart. 3. Cheating as a
means to transition.
Women cheat with other women for the same reasons they cheat with
other men. Because they can. My girlfriend cheated on me. As they say,
past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior.
It shouldn't have been a surprise as we became involved before her
divorce was final. I was a transition for her. This time around, her
explanation for cheating, even though she loved and still loves me, was
that there was something missing. Missing from whom is not clear, that
and that 'i love you, but I'm not in love with you'. Before she left she
was ready to date others. As you might guess, there's not much deep
discussion with her.
It all came down to her last 10 days of a four month tour. During a
10 day stint in England she fell in love with a woman. She explained
that the woman she cheated with opened her heart and as such, she is now
ready to open her heart to someone she doesn't know and is safely
incredibly far away. In fact, she's willing to give up everything she
has to recapture 10 days of a vacation.
Everybody knows why they cheat, they just want everybody else to
think that it was all so powerful and they were powerless to do anything
about it. A crock to be sure.
No one chooses to do it
We know its wrong to cheat on a spouse/boyfriend, etc. But sometimes
the heart doesn't always listen to our head. We all know what is wrong,
and what is right. But in some situations that area isn't just black and
white, there is a lot of gray there also.
No one wakes up one morning and says, "I think I'll cheat on my
spouse or boy fiend today." Maybe in a relationship something is
missing, no more excitement or maybe our spouses are taking us for
granted.
No matter how long you are with someone, we all want to feel wanted,
desired and not taken for granted. We all want to feel loved. And at
times we are not getting that from who we should be getting it from.
Affairs, cheating and whatever are not right, we all know this. But
no one chooses to do this. Sometimes alcohol plays a part, sometimes
abusive behavior plays a part, and sometimes something is just missing
from our lives.
Affairs-cheating do hurt people and ruin many peoples lives not just
the ones cheating. Children in many times are the ones hurt most. Be
careful.
Not one of you gave a good reason for cheating! We
can slice it, dice it, excuse it, accept it, but the total truth is,
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING! People who cheat (and it doesn't matter
what the reason is short of date-rape drugs or rape itself and this is
not considered cheating) are simply selfish! Selfish people want their
cake and eat it too. To say, "Oh well, I was a virgin before we got
married and I had a need to experience another man/woman" is simply an
excuse. I can understand the feeling, but it would be better to
communicate your feelings to your partner, split-up and go your separate
ways and, should both of you grow up, then perhaps you can get back
together on a more mature level or agree to separate for a few months
and both get it out of your systems, but the key point is HONESTY and it
appears most on this one post have forgotten that.
As far as girls wondering why they continue to try and attract other
guys or go to bed with other guys when they have a boyfriend or husband,
well, it's about "the grass looking greener on the other side" and it
isn't most of the time. Every time you do this you know blasted well you
like being youthful, feel you're attractive and love "the chase" and
once the chase is over some women get bored and go onto another man. If
that's how you want to be then so be it, but at least have the guts to
split-up from your boyfriend or husband. Why don't you do this? Because
you're selfish!
I've dated many men in my life and had quite a few boyfriends before I
settled down and not once did I cheat on one of them. If the
relationship grew cold I had the guts (or he did) to say it was over and
we went our separate ways. It always hurt to walk away from a
relationship because we often don't know if we have made a mistake.
Still, it's the honest thing to do and if you don't do it that way you
are letting yourself down big time. For those of you that are really
disturbed by the fact you can't seem to help this, remember this ...
"the head of the snake will turn around and bite you in the butt!" This
means that one night you are going to get caught because someone your
boyfriend knows will have seen you and you can bet they'll tell him and
here's another thought, one of your girlfriends could have a crush on
him and let him know what you are up too. I've seen that happen often.
If you manage to have a relationship with another guy your personality
changes and men aren't stupid and your boyfriend will catch on sooner or
later. If you don't believe me look under all the other relationship
posts and find the ones posted by men.
If you aren't true to yourself then don't expect it from anyone else. You will lose!
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